The Mommy Wars

I've been on spring break this week, and it has been amazing! I had forgotten what it felt like to be a stay-at-home mom (although I did have a couple of 9:00 meetings for school business and some work to do from home). STILL, the time home has been great. I even baked a chicken for dinner one night! I was very proud.

So of all weeks for an exciting "mommy wars" story to break, it would be this week while I am enjoying my stay-at-home mom week. Surely you've heard about it. A democratic strategist, Hilary Rosen, declared that Mitt Romney's wife, Ann, hadn't worked a day in her life.

While many are upset about this statement, I think I know what Ms. Rosen was saying. Come on, people! She knows raising kids is hard work. What I "heard" through her statement is that Mrs. Romney has never HAD to work OUTSIDE the home a day in her life. She has had the luxury of making that choice. Her husband has been able to financially support her and their five sons in such a way that they have had a wonderful lifestyle, and she has been able to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm not saying being a stay-at-home mom isn't HARD work, but there is a difference. There IS a DIFFERENCE. It is easier to work ONE job (stay at home mom) than it is to work TWO (full time mom AND outside the home job). Just sayin'...

For many it is a choice - whether it be a lifestyle choice or just a desire to work outside the home. For others, it is a necessity. You have to pay the bills and feed the kids. Many, like me, were able to mostly be stay-at-home before the kids went to school. (mostly.)

I have been blessed with many different experiences. I worked full time as a married woman before having children. I then was able to stay home for several years while my children were young. I later went to work part time when my oldest boys were two and four. After having my third son, I was a stay-at-home mom again for five years. Once my "baby" started kindergarten, I started a Christian school and once again worked full time while being a full time mommy to my three boys ages five, nine, and eleven.

While it is VERY hard to work full-time and be a mom, a wife, and a pastor's wife, I do feel blessed that my job allows me to be near my children every day and have basically the same hours and vacations that they have. (I am the principal at the school I founded, which all three of my boys attend.)

So while the mommy wars will rage on, I think we all need to just accept our lot in life. Accept our individual journeys, our daily adventures. Do the best we can. Make changes when we can. Scrap the guilt. Love on our kids. Try to find a job we love or at least where we feel we are making a difference. (This very fact gets me through some of the harder days - I feel like I'm doing what God has called me to do at this stage of my life, and I feel like I'm making a difference in the life of my own kids and other kids as well.)

Lastly, we need to quit comparing ourselves to other women. The grass is NOT greener. Stop with the jealousies. Yes, some moms get to stay home. Some moms have nannies. Some moms work two jobs and rarely get to see their kids. Some moms can't handle staying home and choose to work. Some moms wish they could stay home. I have found so many times that what the other person has looks better, when in reality, we need to embrace our own life - whatever it is! Everyone has their own problems. So you want what looks "good" in another person's life, but you don't always see the "bad." You would have to take that, too.

Your kids love you no matter what, Mom! Enjoy the moments. This is the life they know. Just love them and don't complain about your status in life, whatever it may be.

Back to Ms. Rosen and the mommy wars... I think she is right. Mrs. Romney doesn't know what it is like to juggle working outside the home, worrying about finances, dealing with work stress, and raising kids. Good for her! She has been blessed. Instead of taking offense to the statement, I wish Mrs. Romney would get up there and say, "Yes, I have had the luxury of staying home with my boys. It is a choice I made, and it wasn't always easy, but I am blessed to have had the opportunity to make that choice." Don't you think she would earn the respect of TONS of stay at home moms and ALL moms if she would focus on some of the challenges of raising kids and not just focus on the fact that she was a stay at home mom? (Again, it is the most important job in the world, but again, she didn't HAVE to work outside the home, and once again people, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.) Another point to make is she has also had the stress and pressures of being a politician's wife and a public figure in that sense. I greatly respect her for that! No easy task there! I'm sure (hope) she has done some volunteer work over the years - maybe that could also be a point of focus. In the whole ecosystem, what would we do without these people who have the time to do the volunteer work?

Let's face it, we haven't had a blue-collar President since - I don't know - Lincoln? So the Romneys would be perfect in that sense. I know Mrs. Obama worked part time when her girls were younger, but my guess - please don't quote me on this - my guess is she had a nanny. My guess is it was completely her decision to work part time because she wanted to and not because they had to have the income to make a house payment or buy groceries. Just a guess.

Anyway, I'm sure the mommy wars will not end any time soon. I think they are ridiculous. What a stupid thing to rage war over. I do wish all moms could or would stay home with their kids or work jobs that allowed them to be on their kids' school schedule so they wouldn't be latch-key kids. But that isn't going to happen. So let's support each other, pray for each other, and do what we can to help.

That's it for today! Enjoy your kiddos, Mommies - guilt free! Give lots of hugs and love.